Is it okay to kiss a nun? Yes but don’t get into the habit
Tonto and the Lone Ranger are riding through the desert when they spy a small town on the horizon. It’s a cold desert night and the Lone Ranger fancies a whiskey or two to warm him up so they stop into a saloon. The barman is happy to serve the Lone Ranger but refuses to serve Tonto.
“Sorry Tonto, but I really want this drink” says the Lone Ranger, “would you mind waiting outside for a little while?”
“But it cold outside” says Tonto.
“Well, run up and down to keep yourself warm” says the Lone Ranger.
So the Lone Ranger has his whiskey and Tonto goes outside and runs up and down to keep himself warm. A few minutes later another cowboy walks into the bar, struts up to the Lone Ranger and asks: “Are you the Lone Ranger?”
“Yes” the Lone Ranger replies.
“Well you left your injun running”.
I spend most of my life avoiding conflict. I hardly ever visit Syria.
Did you hear about the new Barbie Doll they are making? It’s called “Divorced Barbie”. She comes with all of Ken’s things.
How much does a pirate pay to have his ears pierced? A Buccaner.
A man put on a clean pair of socks every day of the week. By Friday he could hardly get his shoes on.
Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac? He lies awake all night long, wondering if there really is a dog.
A man left for work one Friday afternoon. But, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend hunting with the boys and spending his entire paycheck.
When he finally got home Sunday night, he was confronted by his very angry wife, and was barraged for 2 hours. Finally, his wife stopped nagging and simply said to him, “How would you like it if you didn’t see me for 2 or 3 days?”
To which he replied, ” That would be fine with me.”
Monday went by, and he didn’t see his wife, Tuesday & Wednesday came and went with the same results. Thursday the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.
Jesus decided to help St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. A very old man approached and Jesus asked him,” How have you lived your life?”
The old man replied,”I was a carpenter.”
Jesus looked closely at the old man. ” Is it, is it….you, father?”
The old man peered back at him. “Is it you, Pinocchio?”