If I had a pet newt I would call him “Tiny”, because he’d be my newt.
I’m not sexist – I’m not! That’s why I let my female workers work longer than the men so they can make the same money as men.
Q: What’s the difference between a monkey and a bicycle?
A: They both climb trees except the bicycle.
What was born to succeed? A budgie with a blunt beak
If a wheel falls off a bus while travelling down a river, how long will it take to shingle a dog house? None, because there’s no bones in cottage cheese
I knew these Siamese twins. They moved to America, so the other one could drive.
An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar.
The barman asks, “Is this a joke?”
A man goes to the doctor and says “Doctor, there’s a piece of lettuce sticking out of my bottom”. The doctor asks him to drop his trousers and examines him.
The man asks “Is it serious, doctor?”
The doctor replies ‘I’m sorry to tell you but this. It’s just the tip of the iceberg.”
Three men walk into a bar. The fourth one ducks.
A group of Chess enthusiasts were kicked out of a hotel reception for discussing their winning games. The manager can’t stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.