If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
Two spiders were playing football in a saucer. One says to the other: “I’m getting really bored with this.” The other says: “We’ve got to keep practicing. We’re playing in the cup next week.”
What do you get when you cross a pittbull with Lassie? A dog that bites your leg then goes and gets help
Dogs don’t love you. They’re just glad they don’t live in China.
What is the difference between a doctor and God? God doesn’t think he is a doctor
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes wakes Watson. “Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you see.”
Watson said, “I see millions and millions of stars.”
Holmes: “And from that you deduce?”
Watson: “Well, if there are millions of stars, and in even a few of those have planets, its quite likely there are some planets like earth out there. And if there are a few planets like earth out there, there might also be life.”
Holmes: “Watson, you idiot, somebody stole our tent.”
A termite walks into a cocktail lounge, and asks a customer, “Is the bar tender here?”
A woman is driving down the motorway, knitting. Obviously this is dangerous driving as the driver has no hands on the wheel, so before long the police are caught up with her.
The police car drives up alongside the offending vehicle, and motions for her to open her window. “pull over “, the policeman shouts across.
“No – pair of socks,” she replies.
I used to think an ocean of soda existed, but it was just a Fanta sea.
Q. Why is Toblerone triangular?
A. So it will fit in the box.