A couple comes up to a wishing well. The guy leans over, makes a wish, and throws in a penny. His wife decides to make a wish, too, but she leans over too far, falls into the well, and drowns. The guy says, “Wow, it really works.”
Two men jump out of a plane. One is holding a Budgerigar, the other is holding a Parrot and a shotgun.
As they fall away from the plane the man holding the budgie lets it go. A moment later the man with the Parrot lets go of his bird and takes a lame shot at it with the shotgun.
Unfortunately hey both hit the ground. In their dying moments, one turns to the other and says, “I don’t think much of this Budgiejumping”
The other dying man turns to him and replies, “And I don’t think much of this high altitude paratchuting .”
A woman walked into a bar and ordered a double entendre, so the barman gave her one.
Did you hear about the man who drowned in a bowl of muesli? He was pulled under by a strong currant
An elderly couple had dinner at another couple’s house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two elderly gentlemen were talking, and one said, “Last night, we went out to a new restaurant, and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly.”
The other man asked, “What was the name of the restaurant?”
The first man thought and thought and finally said, “What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know… the one that is red and has thorns.”
“Do you mean a rose?”
“Yes, that’s it” the man said. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, “Rose, what’s the name of that restaurant we went to last night?”
There are these two sausages sizzling in a frying pan. One turns to the other and says, “Gees, it’s hot in here”
The second responds, “AAAAH , a talking sausage”.
This guy is walking past a wooden fence. On the other side of the fence is an asylum. The inmates are all screaming at the tops of their lungs, “Thirteen! Thirteen! THIRTEEN! ”
The guy notices a small hole in the fence and his curiosity naturally gets the better of him. He takes a peek and a finger suddenly pops out and jabs him in the eye. He yells in pain as the inmates start shouting, “Fourteen! Fourteen! FOURTEEN! ”
Two statisticians when duck hunting. Not being very good, they did not see a duck all day. Just as they agreed to leave, a duck flew out in front of them. Both aimed and fired.
One shot went two metres to the left of the duck, the other two metres to the right, and the duck escaped.
However, they went home very happy, because on average the bird was dead
Johnny was having trouble in math, so his parents sent him to a private Catholic school. On the first day he came rushing back home and started working furiously on his math. He did the same after dinner. His mother was impressed and commented to him, “Wow, Johnny, you’re really working hard ”
Johnny looked up and said, “Well, when I went in there and saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I just knew they weren’t messing around.”
Did you hear about the Hamster found dead in his cage?
Apparently he fell asleep at the wheel.