One day little Johnny was in his backyard digging a hole. His neighbour, seeing him there, decided to investigate. “Whatcha doin?” he asked.
“My goldfish died and I’m burying him,” Johnny replied.
“That’s an awful big hole for a goldfish, ain’t it?” asked the neighbour.
“That’s because he’s inside your cat.”
A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar. The barman says, “Is this some kind of joke?”
I always look for a woman who has a tattoo. I see a woman with a tattoo, and I’m thinking, okay, here’s a gal who’s capable of making a decision she’ll regret in the future. (Richard Jeni)
They say animal behaviour can warn you when an earthquake is coming. Like the night before that last earthquake hit, our family dog took the car keys and drove to Arizona. (Bob Hope/Gene Perret)
If you had to choose between drinking wine every day or being skinny, which would you choose? Red or white?
There are two parrots sitting on a perch. One says to the other, “Can you smell fish?”
Q: Why did the rabbit cross the road?
A: To see his flat mate.
My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.
Q: How much did the pirate pay to get his ear pierced?
A: A buccaneer
Went to the corner shop – bought 4 corners.