Doctor Bob had slept with one of his patients and had felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn’t. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming.
But every once in a while he’d hear that soothing voice, within himself, trying to reassure him: “Bob, don’t worry about it. You aren’t the first doctor to sleep with one of their patients… and you won’t be the last. And you’re single. Let it go.”
But invariably another voice would bring him back to reality: “Bob, you’re a vet.”
A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem: The captain’s parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick.
Once the parrot understood he started shouting in the middle of the show:
“Look, it’s not the same hat”
“Look, he is hiding the flowers under the table”
“Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades ?”
The magician was furious but couldn’t do anything; it was, after all, the captain’s parrot.
One day the ship had an accident and sank. The magician found himself on a piece of wood in the middle of the ocean with the parrot, of course. They stared at each other with hate, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day and another and another.
After a week the parrot said: “OK, I give up. Where’s the boat?”
If Miss Universe is not rigged then why are all the winners from earth?
My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed, I never knew they worked.
If I ever have twins, I’d use one for parts. (Steven Wright)
As migration time approached, two elderly vultures doubted they could make the trip south, so they decided to go by airplane. When they checked their baggage, the attendant noticed that they were carrying two dead racoons.
“Do you wish to check the raccoons through as luggage?” she asked.
“No, thanks,” replied the vultures. “They’re carrion.”
What is the leading cause of dry skin? Towels
Sadie’s husband Jake has been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet his faithful wife stayed by his bedside day and night. One night, Jake comes to and motions for her to come closer.
He says, “My Sadie, you have been with me through all the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. You know what, Sadie?”
“What dear?” she asked gently.
“I think you’re bad luck.”
Went to the doctor and he told me I would have to take a pill every day for the rest of my life. He only gave me 4!
Q. What’s the difference between a buffalo and a bison?
A. You can’t wash your hands in a buffalo.